national stationery show: rivals

($3.25 from uncooked)

($3 from bald guy greetings)

So here's a little bit of juicy gossip. Did you know the stationery world has a seedy underbelly? And not just seedy. Gangsta. Downright gangsta. We found a brew ha-ha that rivals Biggie vs. Tupac and, coincidentally, it mimics their East Coast vs. West Coast sensibilities. The rivalry is between... UNCOOKED & BALD GUY GREETINGS Now there's no reason to get into the dirty details, but let's just say the rivalry is hot. Let's just say its smokin'. Let's just say that Nat from Uncooked said she would shank the bald guy from Bald Guy Greetings if she ever runs into him in a dark alley at the Javits Center--woops, we didn't say that. We're just joking. That's not true. Anyway, we figured we should take the showoff down to where it really matters: the stationery. The cards above are from each brand's booths. (Click to make them larger if you can't read the words.) You tell us--who is funnier? Who is snarkier? Who is dirtier? Who do you love more? Uncooked or Bald Guy Greetings? Let's fuel this fire.